I get it and I'm okay with it. But, who is a "pretty" dyke supposed to date? I'm single, so I am often talking to my friends about women that I've dated, am interested in, or the women they want to fix me up with. However, I'm also a self-identified femme who is mostly attracted to butches, which can make this conversation a little tricky. Wait, did I say mostly attracted to? I think it's safe to say that I am overwhelmingly, pleasantly, emphatically, happily, enthusiastically, giggly, joyfully, and unabashedly attracted to butches. They are my pleasure, indeed. Now, I know you can be femme identified and be attracted to other femmes, and I have been, but generally I prefer butches. And, I've never gotten hung up on the butch/femme thing, I'm attracted to butches, period. I love them. I especially love that a butch woman dresses, talks, thinks, walks (or swaggers in some cases) exactly the way that she feels expresses who she is. That's something that most of us never, ever do. And I've been reminded by my dear friend Holly to openly appreciate what I love about butches, even random butches on the street...hello butch!
Still, as a pretty girl, I have been told that the women that I choose are not attractive. Yeah, even in those words, by straight people and queer people alike. And, oftentimes, this translates into her not being pretty enough. At the same time, it is also a subtle yet firm critique of my decision to date and love other women. In other words, if I am not dating a "pretty" woman, then what's the point? Now, my straight friends can date the baldest, baggiest jean wearing, sweatiest smelling, poorly put together outfit wearing man ever and never be told that he is "unattractive." That doesn't fit into the conversation once a woman is interested in someone...he's a man, so it doesn't matter (David Beckham aside). If his teeth are brushed, great! Women on the other hand, are always supposed to be attractive and look like a woman and if you're a woman and you can't see that, then there must be something wrong with you. If she's too round in the middle, looks too much like a guy, if her eyebrows are too thick, or she has hair on her chin, then she may not be good enough. And this critique applies to all women--butch, femme, in between, we're all subject to this harsh scrutiny. And I know we all know this, sexism, yes, yes, yes. But, this is something that I foolishly thought I had escaped when I came out and surrounded myself with women--a mistake that others foolishly think queer women escape as well. Still, it's the homophobia that also stings quite a bit in these comments about the women that I date, the ultimate judging of women who choose women. And that's me you're judging and it's not for you to decide.